One of a Kind Resume

An officemate of mine forwarded this simply unique resume which we may *ahem* copy (?) now that we’ll be looking for work soon. It was a resume sent to a call center. (Just not sure if this is true, or if she got hired)

If di ka matawa, ewan ko na lang.

I. Personal Background

1. Name: [chompy: removed]

- Everybody calls me Gigi though. It suits me better than Marjorie or Marj. I think a Gigi is someone who is fun, outgoing, smart, everybody’s pal.Someone who can think fast on her feet  and lands on them too! Most of all, a Gigi is someone who gets hired to do the job.

2. Birthday: February 25,1975

- Undoubtedly, a very memorable day for my mother Maria. Most probably not so memorable for my father since he abandoned us shortly afer (but that’s another story)
- Which means that my zodiac sign is Pisces and that I was born in the year of the Rabbit

3. Sibling: Marcial Laurence Barboza Lopez

- I call him Mat though, which is short for Matutina. Apparently, his friends found his squeaky voice was just like Matutina’s of Marsha and John. He does not sound like Matutina now but the name stuck.
- We used to fight a lot when we were kids but we get along like a house on fire now. He’s married with two kids.

II. Educatonal Background

1. Primary Level: Nalsian Elementary school

- Incidentally, the same school where my mom taught for 30 years. She was even my sixth-grade teacher. The fact that I graduated valedictorian was due to my superiior intellect and not because she was my adviser. Honest.

2. Secondary Level: PSU Laboratory High School

- Located in the town of Bayambang, it is about 4 kilometers away from our home. There were only 20 boys and 20 girls in a class and each year was composed of one section so we were pretty small compared to the national high school, which also meant that everybody knew everybody. Funny thing was, my brother and I acted like we did not even know each other. I told you we did not get along pretty well in high school

- Most memorable experience was when all 20 girls in our class went to a classmate’s house to watch a pornographic movie while her parents were away.

3. Tertiary Level: U.P. Diliman and AMA Computer College-Dagupan

3.1. Big City

- I went to U.P . Diliman where I took up B.S. Statistics. To this day, I cannot explain what made me chose Statistics as my major.  Mathematics and I mix as well as oil and water. Eventually, I discovered SM malls and got interested in attending them more than my classes. Ending: an unfinished education and a whole lot of regrets. (Kids if you are reading, don’t do this at home)

3.2. Small City

- After my disastrous stint in the big city, I hanged out at home for 2 years — until mom put her foot down: finish your education or else! I wanted to go back to Manila but mom promptly vetoed the idea due to my past "record" in the big city. I went to Dagupan, where the biggest mall (at that time) could be easily fitted inside Megamall Building A (and still have enough room to play football) and the movies were like weeks too late or never get down at all. I excelled in my studies mainly because competition was scarce ( and I mean SCARCE), there were not that much distractions and my mother watched me like a hawk. I finally got my degree in Computer Science.

III.  The Aftermath

- I got an invitation to apply for a teaching job at AMA shortly after. I applied and got it. It only took me one trimester to know that teaching is not for me. My schedule was a mess. I had a class at 7 in the morning and the next one would be at 5 in the afternoon. I preferred continuous action. Of course, my patience and listening ability really improved, what with students who could not grasp elementary concepts and those who needed to be heard more than to be lectured. I quit and became a professional couch potato. My mother was not exactly ecstatic about my decisions but she was not exactly unhappy either because she gained a live-in housekeeper/cook/nanny/laundrywoman in me. Heck, I even did the windows. I was like a well-trained housewife minus the philandering husband and kids.

IV. The Present

- I can not believe it! I’ve got acne all over my face. Why now when all throughout my teenage years, not one zit popped out? I have tried every over-the-counter medications but nothing seems to help. I have come to the conclusion that this would require professional treatment. VIcky Belo or Pie Calayan comes to mind. Unfortunately, this would mean money which I don’t have right now. My solution? Come again to the big city and get a job. Besides, I’ve come to realize that I am not fully utilizing my full potential by just staying at home and playing housekeeper. I mean I am smart and intelligent and funny and talented and honest and hardworking and trustwothy and (ok ok you get the point) I need to go out on dates, (paging eligible men who prefer personality and humor to aesthetics) to rent my own place and be independent and to go to the malls and actually buy something. In other words, I need to experience life! But first things first, I need a job to jumpstart my plans.

V. The Future

- Driving the latest RAV 4 (my dream car), my mom and I are on our way home after shopping and dining-out. My acne is gone and my mom looks younger than her years. Tomorrow, I have a date with the man of my dreams. My career is flourishing and luck is on my side - I have just won the Lotto jackpot!!!

VI. The Verdict

- I know that this is not the usual resume you receive and hopefully read. Fact is, I have tried writing a typical resume but I always find the finished product bland and uninteresting and it does not convey the real me. I hope you give this resume a fair chance.

Mobile Number:         [chompy: removed]
Home Number :         [chompy: removed]

Provincial Address:     [chompy: removed]
City Address:             [chompy: removed]
Gettysburg’s Address: Four score and seven years ago……
My crush’s address:    I’m still investigating

I certify that all the things that I wrote down are true. I should know, it’s my life!

Sincerely Yours:

Gigi

[addl’: just in case this is an actual resume, I removed name & contact details]