Order of the Stick # 247 Decoded

Aside from Beerkada, I also make it a point to regularly read Order of the Stick by Rich Burlew. At one point of the story arc (OOTS Strip #245), one of the female characters, the rogue Haley Starshine, contracted an "unknown" ailment preventing her from speaking normally. From then till now, all her words became gibberish. At first I thought her gibberish was nonsense but a recent strip proved otherwise.

Now I understand what R.B. meant when halfling ranger Belkar Bitterleaf said "And good news for fans of cryptograms".

At the 309th OOTS strip, Haley went out on a New Year’s Eve dinner date with Elan  the Bard, Haley’s love interest. Haley, thinking (with normal words) wanted to say, "Elan, I’m in love with you". Of course, when she said this out loud, it was all gibberish. But I matched the letters of the right words with the gibberish and lo and behold! They matched! It got me hooked to decoding the rest of Haley’s earlier dialogue’s from when she started talking funny.

Using the code I got from the 309th strip, I tried to decode the earlier ones. Unfortunately, I found out that each strip has a different code! So I need to decode each one. hehe. I had some time on my hands so I decided to push forward.

Let me start with the very first strip with gibberish, the 247th OOTS strip. I didn’t want to edit the comics via Photoshop to replace the text as Rich Burlew might not like it, so I’m putting the Haley’s dialogue here (Please let me know if I did anything wrong). It’s up to you to click on the links to the strip above. Coz it’s not fun to not read it with the comic strip. Reminder, the other people do not understand Haley coz all they hear is gibberish.

Durkon: So, uh… we’re just aboot ready ta leave, guys. V an’ I just prepared our spells.
Elan: Yeah, OK.

Elan: Durkon, I’m worried about Haley. She hasn’t budged in hours, and if nothing else, I would think she’d have had to go potty by now. Can you check her out?

Durkon: Well, she not be paralyzed or held or nuthin’. She seems ta be in perfect health, except for some fire damage.

Haley: Treasure! (note: I think ‘b’ should have been a ‘p’ to properly spell out ‘treasure’)
Durkon: Gah!!

Haley: Gone! All of it, gone!! I can’t beleive it’s all gone!
Elan: Haley, I know you have more Bonus Languages than I do, but now’s not the time to show them off.
Haley: I got eaten by a dragon for that freakin’ treasure! (see note above on treasure)

Haley: I got vomited up! By a disgusting acid-breathing dragon! And now it’s GONE!
Durkon: Elan, hold on a moment. Comprehend Languages!

Durkon: Och, lad, she not be speakin’ any language. I cannoe understand a word, even wit’ tha magic o’ Thor. I think she be havin’ some kind o’ breakdown aboot tha loot. 
Haley: Not THE loot, MY loot. Mine!

Elan: I don’t understand. Is she gonna be OK?
Durkon: Sometimes, it just stops workin’ right when ye’ve been through a bad scene. Well, lad, the brain be a funny thing.
Haley: Wait, why do I sound funny? Hello? Hello?

Belkar: Wait, wait, so she can’t speak at all? Even if she wants to? Hey Haley, if you don’t want me to tell Elan how you really feel, just say so.

Haley: What? No! Don’t you dare!
Belkar: Well, OK, since you didn’t say anything… Elan, Haley is actually in–

Haley: Sneak attack boot to the face!
Belkar: Ooof!

Belkar: Objection noted.
Haley: Darn straight.
Durkon: It’s just like me granpappy always said: A kick be worth a thousand words.
Elan: I’m so confused.

Stay tuned for more decoded OOTS strips here!